Copyright 2010, John Nixdorf

People who write job advice columns for a living make their living by writing job advice columns. Consequently paying their rent requires them to grind out a never-ending series of columns with chipper titles like “8 ½ Secrets Of Job Hunting Success," "How To Chose Between Multiple Job Offers," and "Secrets Of Negotiating A Really High Salary." Usually these are only tenuously connected to reality (especially the multiple job offer and salary negotiation ones). Columns on why you didn’t get hired usually include nifty factoids like “because you stuck a pencil in the hiring manager’s eye.”

Not really helpful because they discuss job hunting faux pas that you are highly unlikely to make like “don’t show up for the interview naked”.

It’s high time for the real reasons you didn’t get hired to come out. This will help you make sense of the fact that after months-and-months of job hunting, and numerous interviews for jobs you were perfect for, you’re still looking.

The Hiring Manager Already Made The Decision

Often the hiring manager already knows who he or she wants for the job, and has it wired up. They’re just going through the posting and interview motions because their HR department requires due diligence. HR may or may not be in on the scam, but either way nobody has the moral courage or even the common decency to tell you that the whole exercise is a complete waste of your time because the decision was made before the job was even posted.

HAL Didn’t Like Your Resume

HAL 9000 (the fictional computer villain in the movie 2001 A Space Odyssey), is now in charge of screening most resumes and online applications, and he definitely didn’t like yours. So he didn’t pass it through to the next step. HAL uses completely random criteria that nobody knows what they are so there’s no point asking or trying to figure it out, besides the HR people like their secrets (it makes them feel important). And once HAL rejects you for a particular job opening, he makes an indelible note to himself to never pass you along for any other job.

"Open the Interview Room Doors HAL."

"I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that."

Ken And Barbie Didn’t Like Your Resume Either 

Your application’s next stop after HAL is Ken and Barbie, the HR flacks. Ken and Barbie take themselves very seriously as gatekeepers, and will pass only those candidates who in their judgment will be a good fit for the position. Since Ken and Barbie know screw-all about the position, and have never actually managed, run, or accomplished anything substantial themselves, they haven’t a clue of who would actually be a good fit, so getting past them is essentially random. 

Wrong Flavor 

You’re too old, too young, black, white, brown, straight, gay, male, female, fat, thin, religious, irreligious, etc. Yes of course this is mostly illegal, but easily gotten around by nobody actually saying anything about it. Or the company may have a particular democraphic niche they’re looking to fill, and you’re not it. One of the ways you can tell this happened to you is if you’re told to be ready for two hours of interviews, and you get gonged about 15 minutes in for no apparent reason (like, for example, stabbing someone in the eye with a pencil). They took one look at you and when it was clear you weren’t who they were looking for, they decided to skip the charade.

Wrong "Fit" 

The hiring manager isn't really looking for someone to do a job, she or he is looking for a new Best Friend Forever or someone they can "go to lunch with." You didn't share their interest in Twilight, or golf, or whatever so you're out.

 You’re Too Competent 

It is a well known fact (that I just made up) that some managers only hire people who are less assertive and less competent than they are. It helps them feel better about themselves, and gives them a bunch of nonassertive nudniks to boss around. 

You’re Not "Qualified" 

You may be the most objectively qualified person on the planet for the job, but that doesn't mean you're "Qualified." When the hiring manager has already made the decision, if you're the wrong flavor, or if you're the wrong fit it's astonishing how unqualified you are. Consider this interchange:

• Interviewer: "Do you have experience with Kumquat?"
• Applicant: "Yes, I have 8 years of continuous experience with Kumquat. I was a beta tester before it was first released, and now I'm using Kumquat 3.0."
• Interviewer: "Aww, that's too bad, we're looking for someone with experience with Kumquat 3.1."  

Clearly the interviewee wasn't "Qualified."

The Company Isn’t Really Serious About Filling The Position 

The hiring manager has been complaining about needing another headcount for months, years maybe. Upper Management finally gets tired of listening to the complaints and gives the hiring manager permission to recruit for the position. But then somehow, after hundreds of hours are sunk in the process, Upper Management never quite gets around to actually green-lighting the hire. 

Or, the company has an ongoing "Cattle Call" where they continually troll the metro area looking for the absolutely cheapest people they can find. The work environment is awful stemming from their corporate practice of treating staff like toilet paper, use once, flush. So they're always on the lookout for a new batch of suckers, er prospective employees. If the hiring process has inexplicably convoluted hoops you have to jump through, it may be they're just testing the level of crap you'll put up with, or the level of desperation to which you've sunk. Either way give these folks a pass.

And The Secret Is? 

So, you ask, what’s the secret? How do I escape these circles of job-hunting hell? You don’t. To find a job, you have to eat a cubic yard of manure. There’s no way around it, you just have to grab your spoon and dig in. 

You can, however, protect your time by refusing to be abused. If Ken, Barbie, or the hiring manager are jerking you around, don’t be afraid to drop out of the process if you strongly intuit it’s really going nowhere. Decide in advance what your limits are. (I won’t travel out of town for an interview unless my travel and lodging are reimbursed. This may have cost me a few interviews, but I’m certain it hasn’t cost me any jobs). 

Protect your sanity by remembering it really isn’t about you. As long as you covered the fundamentals (shoes shined, teeth brushed, don't stick anyone in the eye with a pencil) there was nothing more you could do. Eventually the law of averages has to play out in your favor and you'll get that coveted offer for a job paying merely 40% less than your previous gig.

 As seen on Townhall, YouTube, and around the interweb:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAWsy7VV8oE&feature=player_embedded

Scouts booing the president is a shocking and inexcusable breach of courtesy. The National Council owes the President an immediate and public apology. Each scout who booed, and their adult leaders, should write a note of apology.

Scouts and adult leaders alike pledge “On my honor, I will do my best … to obey the Scout Law…” The fifth point of the Scout Law is “A scout is Courteous.” Booing does not come under any definition of “courteous” that I know of. The scouts invited President Obama to their event, they decided to proceed with his video avatar, common courtesy required a respectful hearing of an invited speaker.

That said, I will indulge myself in the sort of “root cause” analysis that some on the left use to exonerate rapists, rioters, and other bad actors.

The scouts themselves are mid teens, ages 13-18. Kids do dumb things and it was no doubt something of a “wave” phenomenon. The president chose not to attend, as has been customary, the scouts booed the video. Having been an adult scout leader for some 10 years I can assure you that boys that age are not interested in the kind of policy analysis that might lead an adult to be critical of the president.

Which brings us to the adult leadership. Had I been one of them, I would have squashed any booing by the scouts under my supervision. I have no doubt that is what many of the adult leaders did. So the question is why did some adults allow it? My experience with adult scouters has been that they are by and large a pretty fine group of (mostly) men, whose political persuasions run the full gamut of far right to far left.

My hypothesis is that we saw a manifestation of the growing anger over a government that seems increasingly out-of-touch and uninterested in the views and customs of a large number of the governed, as described in the last week by Peggy Noonan in her August 7 Wall Street Journal column America Is at Risk of Boiling Over (http://online.wsj.com/article/declarations.html), and Pat Caddell in an August 6 (?) Fox News Interview (http://www.examiner.com/x-35976-Conservative-Examiner~y2010m8d7-Video-Democrat-pollster-warns-American-anger-has-become-prerevolutionary)

Some of the adult leaders may have been disenchanted with the president’s policies, others may have been disgusted. Still others may have joined in the booing. For whatever reason they were not as energetic in quelling the booing as they might otherwise, and should have, been.

When the Democrats booed a Boy Scout color guard flag ceremony at (I think I recall it was) their 2000  convention, it was dog bites man. Why would anybody be surprised when the party of abortion, sodomy, and surrender boo young men (who also pledge to do their duty to God and Country) presenting the American flag? When the Boy Scouts booed President Obama at their Jamboree, it was man bites dog. One wonders if the president was listening.

Footnote: For enquiring minds who might wonder my background for writing about the Boy Scouts. Two of my sons are Eagle Scouts, as am I. I helped start a scout troop, was the Troop Committee Chairman for 6 years, and have well over 100 camping days of adult field leadership of a scout troop.

The new meme from the left is that opponents of "health insurance reform" (or whatever Obamacare is being labeled today) are "scaring seniors" with talk of "death panels" and rationed care.

Stipulating for a moment that "death panels" and rationed care are just that, scare tactics. It would stand to reason that the left would be incensed that their opponents have merely taken a page from the liberal playbook. Namely that no fabrication is too outrageous if it upsets seniors and gets them to go your way.

However, "death panel" is a reasonable description of the government bureaucracy that will be deciding whether or not a treatment is paid for, and who's going to get it when rationing kicks in, as it inevitably will when unlimited demand meets finite resources.

A large part of the anger seen in town halls is that the attendees know they're being lied to. In 2003 & 2007 President Obama is on videotape stating he's in favor of "single payer." In 2009, he says he is not. President Obama says surgeons make $50,000 for performing a foot amputation, they do not. Given these and other "terminological inexactitudes" can the attendees of these meetings be blamed for not accepting the talking points and glib assurances of proponents of "health insurance reform." They know that no matter what the speaker says, it will have little to do with the bill as finally passed. And that once started down this road there is no telling where it will lead 10 or 20 years hence.

McCain didn't lose, Obama Won:  To say that McCain lost would be to infer that there was something he maybe could have done differently to win, or that he did something notably stupid to lose. He didn't. Of course there is all kind of second-guessing and Monday morning quarterbacking. Hindsight, so perfectly flawless, gives us all the opportunity to point out this or that McCain could have done, or should not have done, or might have done better. But on balance he played the cards he was dealt, or drew, about as well as anyone could have. While I was not a McCain enthusiast prior to this campaign (for all the usual reasons conservatives were not enthusiastic:  Gang of 14, immigration, etc., etc.,) as I learned the reasons to be enthusiastic (pro-life, obviously national security, etc.) I became enthusiastic to the point where I really believe he would have made a good president, and I am sorry he will not be (versus 1996 where, while I wasn't happy Clinton won, I wasn't particularly unhappy that Dole lost).

No, Obama won the election. He ran a masterful campaign. He worked all the angles. Of course he was aided by the economic "perfect storm" that hit mid-September, and by a complicit media who have a lot to answer for.

Obama won decisively:  It wasn't a squeaker, it wasn't a landslide, but it was clear and decisive. McCain got thumped. The American electorate made it's collective wishes clearly known. Collectively, the majority of the American electorate wanted Obama.

The American Electorate Knew Who They Were Voting For:  No, the media didn't do its job. Yes, the media have a lot to answer for. No, I don't think the media will turn on Obama, having made their pick they will do whatever it takes to make the Obama presidency a success, and to cover for him whenever necessary.

But Obama was vetted. While there may be some really stinky skeleton(s) hidden in a closet somewhere, enough was known, and widely disseminated and reported on that the American people decided it wasn't relevant. Anybody who was interested in the issues would have found out about William Ayers, Jerimiah Wright, "spread the wealth," national security, etc. Enough people decided they either preferred Obama in spite of, or because of these issues, or dismissed these issues as irrelevant, or simply voted their color, their traditional leanings (grandma and grandpa voted Democrat, so did mom & dad, so will I) to elect him.

The Majority of the American Electorate Wants The Government Involved in their Healthcare:  It is indisputable that there is a problem with how healthcare is paid for in this country. People want the problem fixed, and they voted for the person they perceived will fix the problem, and they believe that government involvement is the answer. Ergo Obama wins this over McCain (whose program was hard to understand and sounded risky. Yes, I would have preferred his approach, but sorry, it was hard to understand and contained that element of risk that grownups used to consider as a routine part of life). The majority of the American Electorate may not like what they get, the majority of the American Electorate will be surprised that what they get will not be what they thought they were going to get, but what we all get will be what they voted for.

Rahm Emmanuel:  Rahm Emmanuel is there to do what Barack Obama wants done. The fact that Emmanuel is a brass-knuckle, hardball partisan is good actually. Everyone knows where they stand. If Obama needs an arm twisted, Republican or Democrat, he has someone to do it. And he has someone to crack the whip on Obama's staff appointees. Pity the fool that leaks a memo or confidence from the Obama White House. It demonstrates clearly that Team Obama is going to take the field suited up and ready to play. The Republicans in Congress had better get their heads in the game (instead of where they've had their heads stuck for the past couple years) or get run over.

Fast & Hard, or Slow & Easy:  Two schools of thought, Obama is going to go as hard and fast as he can to implement his agenda, or he's going to go easy and wait until his second term. I'm looking for fast and hard. He's got the congress and a reservoir of good will right now, who knows what the future holds. He may not have such an overwhelming majority in congress after 2010. The economy might not turn around, it might be as bad or worse in 2012. Better go for it while you can, and not waste the opportunity (like the Republicans repeatedly did).

Quit Whining:  Instead of spending the next four years (or months, or days, or minutes) whining and indulging in pants-wetting generally, Republicans need to buck up and focus on what to do now and what to do next. Quit fussing about "Rahm Emmanuel is a partisan..." or witless quips about Nancy Reagan and seances, &tc. We have work to do. What that involves exactly I don't know, but turning off the TV for two hours a week and doing something, anything, constructive would be a good start.

Republican Leadership: Is an oxymoron, like "jumbo shrimp" or "helpful bureaucrat." By returning the baneful Boehner to his house leadership role, Republican officials are demonstrating their natural bent to "I got mine, I'll keep it as long as I can, screw the rest."

What do we do now? Complex multi-faceted question. I don't know what the full answer is, but part of the answer definitely includes "turn off the TV, get up off your half-moons, and go do something constructive.

Public financing of presidential campaigns: This is now deader than last weeks mackrel. No presidential candidate will ever participate in this again. There's no trusting the other candidate to do what they say they'll do. Ironic poetic justice that McCain "Mr. Campaign Finance" would be hoist on this petard.

stay tuned, more to come ...

Let's be clear about this, the loss was NOT McCain's fault, it wasn't Palin's fault.

A lot of the fault devolves squarely on the shoulders of Republican Party leadership.

In 1998 when Illinois Republicans reelected George Ryan (now doing time in a Federal prision). Ryan immediately violated the trust of Illinois Republicans with his Illinois First program of fee increases. Then he got indicted.

This set the stage for the state to go blue in 2000, the last year a Republican presidential candidate campaigned in Illinois (I was right there in Naperville less than 20 ft from the podium when Pres. Bush, sotto voce, declared Adam Clymer an a**h***, trust me, nobody in the crowd heard that).

In 2002 the Illinois Republican party further imploded.

In 2004 the Illinois Republican party biggies ran incumbent Peter Fitzgerald out of the state (he declined to run for a 2nd term, and as far as I know hasn't moved back to Illinois, or even been back to visit). Setting the stage for Barack Obam to run for an open seat. After candidate Jack Ryan imploded because the Chicago Tribune pried open his sealed divorce procedings, the Illinois Republican biggies selected Alan Keyes to replace him, over many local candidates (including Jim Oberweiss who would have crawled over broken glass to get the nod). Whatever luminous qualities Alan Keyes posess, winning election as a carpet-bagger is not one of them.

Had it not been for the complete collapse of the Illinois Republican Party, due to the fact that Illnois Republican Party leadership is primarily concerned with "where's mine" (the unofficial motto of the State of Illinois), having their prime rib just the way they like it at the DuPage Club, and playing golf at St. Andrews. Obama might not have won, or if he had become a senator he might have had more of the creepy-crawlies in his past come out earlier. Things like constituent service, fiscal responsibility, and party-building aren't even in the top-25 list of Illinois Republican Party priorities.

Then on the national scene. In 2004 President Bush and Rick Santorum campaigned for Arlen Specter preferentially to Pat Toomey in a hotly contested Republican primary. Specter went on to win, then gain appointment to Chairman of the Senate Judiciary committee over the intense protests and opposition of "values conservative" voters. All this sticking a big, hairy finger in the eye of a substantial portion of the Republican Base, who have long memories and are not in thrall to the Republican Party like the Dem's special interests are to them. Then in 2006, Santorum loses to a "pro life" Democrat (being "pro-life" or "pro-2nd amendment" in the Democratic party is worth less than a warm bucket of spit, because you still end up with Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid in charge) as part of the 2006 Republican debacle.

Then there is the stirring overall campaign tactic so cherished by the Republican Leadership. Do nothing until Labor Day then start bleating "hey, vote for us, we're not as bad as the other guys."

Then there are the "conservatives" who hit the ratlines like Kathleen Parker, Christopher Buckley, &tc. They should keep on going to their Obamallies, who will no doubt receive them into everlasting habitations.

When I worked in downtown Chicago, one day I spotted a cab with medallion number 666 (true story, there really is one).

Not knowing anything else about the identity of The Antichrist, we at least know what he's going to ride in on.

Wonder where the cab will be on Tuesday evening??

Assigned to anchor the left flank of the Union army at the Battle of Gettysburg, Chamberlain's 20th Maine withstood charge after charge by the Confederate forces. Finally, decimated by casualties and almost out of ammunition, the 20th faced yet another assault. The sensible thing would have been to withdraw. However, this would have allowed the Confederates to overrun the position and possibly turn the tide of battle.

Instead Chamberlain called for an unorthodox maneuver in combination with a bayonet charge (highly unusual, the bayonet having begun to fall into disuse even at that era). The position was held, the Union line saved, and the Confederate forces owned that they never cared to meet "those Maine men" again.

While the situation in the 2008 election may seem unfavorable, even desparate according to some, the lesson from Chamberlain for us is clear:  "Fix bayonets, Charge!"

Figuring the ins and outs of both candidate's healthcare proposals makes my head hurt. Both of them have some good points, both have some glaring weaknesses. I'd really rather leave things alone but evidently that's not an option.

Obama:  how anyone can believe that the people responsible for the DMV, the Post Office, the IRS, and the government school system will be able to do a good job with healthcare is beyond me. Because of one child’s health problems and disabilities I’ve had a lot more contact with our state DORS (Department Of Rehabilitation Services) DHS (Department of Human Services) and the Social Security Administration that I ever would have wanted [although let me say that my experience with the “boots on the ground” caseworkers and clerical staff who actually work with the clients has been uniformly positive, when you finally can get past the damn phone system and get face-to-face with them. Once you get beyond those people and begin to work with supervisors and management, that is another story].

McCain:  Must not get out much if he thinks $5,000 is going to go very far toward purchasing medical insurance. Conventional medical insurance, like most people think of as medical insurance that you would get through an employer, costs in the vicinity of $18,000/yr. Where the typical family is supposed to come up with the $13,000/yr difference I don’t know. I just dropped a policy that was a $10,000 annual deductible that was costing me $7200/yr. I was paying $7200/yr for nothing since the likelihood of ever meeting the deductible was nil. I would have to spend $17200 out of pocket in a year (premium plus meeting the deductible) before I got back the first $1 in insurance reimbursement (plus if I got really sick on December 1, I’d have to spend 17200 in that year, then 10000 in January before seeing that first dollar). Then there’s the issue of preexisting conditions. I know from personal experience that unless you’re a single, 22-year-old in absolutely perfect health, it is very difficult to get past most companies’ underwriting without a collection of “rate-ups” for this, that, and the other. And the fine print, we would see an explosion of jack-leg “out of state” quick buck operators who’d take the money and run.

I don’t have an answer, but I know I don’t like either candidate’s proposals (although McCain’s would be a better stem to work off of). I do think a good start would be putting self-employed people on the same footing as people who get medical benefits through an employer by allowing the self-employed to deduct the first dollar of medical expenses, including insurance. Yes, yes, HSAs. I’m looking into one but there’s a cost to taking the time to sort out the details. Just let me deduct the expenses and be done with it.

Yes it’s true you’re a sharp comparison shopper when you’re paying 100% out of pocket. I schnorr bloodwork at the health fair where I do contract work. I self-diagnose by internet lookup. But I won’t be getting any colonoscopic screening for colon polyps or other reasonable screening procedures for someone my age. First time I’ll know I have colon cancer will be when the tumor pops out my navel. Comparison shopping and negotiating will really be a hoot if I have a stroke or heart attack. To copper my bets I’ve lost 130 lbs, and taken up distance bicycling. Since 1/1/08 I’ve cycled 2500 miles, spent maybe 200 hours on the elliptical, and walked maybe 1000 miles. More fun than paying insurance premiums.

Obama keeps harping on everyone go to college. Additional Federal subsidies of whatever nature (loans, grants, what have you) will do nothing to require colleges to control their costs.

I'm a great believer in post-high school training, but everyone go to college? We will need many more network technicians than English majors.

And while we're on the subject, how about having a high school diploma mean something?

The Townhall Blog header reads "GOP Turning Up the Heat on Obama and ACORN"

Are they turning up the heat, or just whining and wetting their pants?

I've failed to see where the GOP (presumably the RNC) has taken steps to actually DO anything. Is ACORN some big secret that was just learned in the last two weeks? No, it's been around a long time. Has the GOP done anything about them? No.

Now it's too late for this election cycle.

Will the GOP do anything about it starting now for the next time (besides use it as a fundraising boogeyman)?

Probably not.

Another example of the GOP's great liability as a party, the inability/unwillingness/distaste for closing with the enemy and fighting it out.

"Vote for us, we're not as bad as the other guys" is the GOP rally cry every election year. Just keep us incumbents in so we can continue to eat lunch at our club, have our prime rib the way we like it and our martini stirred not shaken; golf every afternoon and adjourn on Thursday for a long weekend. We got ours and could care less about anything else (except getting reelected).

Must not get out much because you can't buy much in the way of health insurance for $5000/yr. Or even $10,000/yr (although that comes closer).

And that's IF you can find a company that will write the policy on you. And pay off on a claim when you have it.

It would be great if McCain said "I still say the fundamentals are strong, those being the fundamental ability of the American worker ..." blah blah blah. Well, it really isn't blah, blah but he could take away the club Obama keeps hitting him with.

Makes it sound like you were on a local United Way Board or something (where you might well be only passingly acquainted with people you barely knew, who might well have one or another unsavory facet of their past.

Much different than geing recruited by a former terrorist to chair a board that then ended up giving hundreds of thousands of dollars to that terrorist's pet project, and to his wife's day care.

I can smell it from downtown out here in the burbs of Chicago. Question is can they smell it in Wisconsin, Ohio, Florida, Colorado, etc.?

At any rate, it's important that the American people know who it is they might vote for.

Hard to understand the folks in the conservative chattering classes (Parker, Chapman, others) ripping Palin a new one and second-guessing and backbiting McCain.

Stipulating ad arguendo the metaphor that "It's the middle of the 4th Quarter, we're down by 8 points, the refs are in  the tank for the other team, the crowd is against us, the wind and sun are in our face, etc."

It would seem it is NOT the time to start throwing water bottles at the team captains, walk off the field, criticize the coaches, take a smoke break, etc.

It would seem like it would be the time to get down and execute our assignments to the best of our ability because one team or the other is going to win this thing. Personally I'd like it to be ours. There will be plenty of time for Monday-morning quarterbacking come November 5. Do we really want to wake up hearing about "President-elect Obama?"

The folks nominally on our team who are not pulling their weight shouldn't complain about cleat marks on their butt if they end up getting run over.

I'm taking the team (my 3 kids still at home) to Wisconsin this Saturday to make as many phone calls and knock on as many doors for McCain as possible.

How about you?

The only sensible thing beyond prayer and fasting

I added "Its the End Of The World As We Know It" to my workout mix.